Swinging over to the kids'

We'd had a few people over the night before, just a few of the old guys who lived in the area, and one old damned good old lady who was passing through. Chief Jay Strongbow, Gypsy Joe, Grizzly Smith, Mae Young, and their companions. Or, in Mae's case, the rubber hand. Don't make me explain.

"Don't bring up the hand again," Elaine scolded as we got in the car. "I almost threw up in the deviled eggs when you went on about her giving birth to the hand."

"You're the one talkin' about the damn hand--" Ow! I cut my eyes at Elaine as she smacked me in the back of the head. "Don't ever smack anybody when they're driving! You could've got us killed!"

She pointed out with a smirk that we weren't even out of the driveway. Oh, but it's MY fault our boy is arrogant. Yeah. Right.

"Did you put the toys in the car?" she asked. We had picked up some things for the little ones.
"Yes I did."
"Did you put the leftovers in, too?"
"Yes I did."

She checked the back seat.

"Last time I checked, you've got the beginnings of glaucoma, not X-ray vision. You can't see through the back seat into the trunk, Elaine. It's all there."

My turn to smirk, and my turn to back out of the driveway before she smacked me again.

It was a good idea to put the radio on and after she fiddled with it and settled on some talk radio, I sighed and set my mind to driving. It was only about 15 minutes worth.

We pulled into Randy and Courtney's driveway, and I honked the horn. Elaine shot me a look again. "You don't DO that here, Ace! This is a fine neighborhood, not a trailer park."

I damned near growled at her. This highbrow, snotty...nevermind. Opening the trunk, I started unloading the two big bags. One full of toys, the other of the good leftovers. Randy always liked his mama's food. Of course his wife was a shining star that way, but this was just the better leftovers from last night. With exception to the almost thrown-up-on deviled eggs. They didn't come because they were my breakfast, much to Elaine's disgust.

Nope, there was all wrapped up in foil, some deviled crab, black eyed pea dip, cheese straws, ham with sweet potato biscuits, stuffed mushrooms, and some bacon-wrapped scallops. The boy watches his carbs so most of this stuff was right up his alley.

"Come on out," I called to the house as Elaine walked up. "I got stuff here for Mayla, Kake and Jax, and I only got two hands, since your mother's needing two hands to go ring your bell."

Oh, if looks could kill, Elaine Orton would be a widow right now. Heh, heh. I waited for a hand out here, because honestly, I was afraid the toy bag would rip. It wasn't that the bag was too heavy but I doubted its strength. We were on a mission to spoil these grandbabies.

Kayla and Jake laughed as they sat on the couch looking out the window.

"Mommy they're here!" Kayla yelled before she ran to the door with Jake.

Courtney chuckled as she carried Max down the stairs then opened the door and watched as Kayla and Jake ran to Bob and Elaine.

I grinned broadly as the little ones came scooting out, the girl on Elaine and the boy headed my way. "Hey there, Jax," I said, putting the food bag back down in the trunk and scooping him up in my free arm. Goodness, my arm was like the width of the boy's whole body. Are they feeding him?

"Where's that lazy son a'mine to help carry this in?" I called out to my daughter in law with a wink. Hey, I'm getting up there in age. I can't keep his road schedule straight, not unless I'm actually with him, and then I sort of just get dragged along. I don't keep track of the days unless there's good reason, and since nothing was on the calendar for a few weeks, it could've been Thursday or Saturday or Monday, it didn't matter in the life of a retiree.

"My name is Jake." Jake said then hugged Bob.

"Hi Grandma." Kayla said with a wide smile before she hugged Elaine's legs.

Courtney chuckled as she walked outside with the two month old in her arms.

"Randy's at an autograph signing." Courtney said.

"That's what I said. Kake. There's your mama, with Jayla and your grammy." I swung him gently down and winked, then took one of the toys out of the box. No, no WWE merchandise in here. I get good discounts on that, so I'd be the cheap gramps if I bought 'em that. This was all good stuff. Tonka trucks for the little man, Barbies for the girl, and some rattles and whatnot that Elaine picked out for the baby. She wouldn't let me buy them a pony, so this is what I could do.

"People payin' him to write his name," I smirked. "I should get half since it's half my name," I quipped, then started carrying the stuff over a bit at a time. I gave my daughter-in-law a kiss on the cheek, bumped my granddaughter with my hip as I handed down some of the many Barbies, and set the food inside the hallway, before going back to get the toy bag. I did stop in my tracks looking at that baby, though. Little guy looks just like his old man.

"Forgive Bob," I heard Elaine say, although I wasn't sure if it was to Jayla or Courtney.

"Forgive me for what?" I asked on my way back out.

"For being you! Bopping the little one with your hip. You could've put her through the wall!"

"I barely tapped her!" Honestly!

My eyes went to see if my granddaughter was in distress or if Elaine was just being the hen, henpecking me.

"Mommy look at all my dolls!" Kayla yelled with excitement.

"I think she's fine." Courtney said with a chuckle.

Jake started running around the house with his trucks.

A triumphant smirk at Elaine later, I was back out at the car, for the second trip to carry in the rest and close it. No need to lock the car in this neighborhood.

"I guess I overreacted, Elaine confided to Courtney, out of my hearing range, but I can read lips. Makes up for the bit of hearing I realize I'm losing. Probably from all the shots to the head over the years. "I should be tougher with the sons I've got - and with Bob as my husband - but Becky was my only girl, until you and Kayla, of course," she said with a smile.

I made as if I didn't catch what Elaine said, and opted not to bop her with my hip as I passed a second time. Never know, osteoporosis might be brewin'.

"Look out, Court-Ort!" I grinned, and bopped her, but ever gently. She had Jax in her arms. Even if she didn't, I would never hip any girl hard.

(And yes, screwing up the names is something Bob does and Elaine doesn't do. lol)

Courtney laughed at Bob then looked at Elaine.

"It's okay. I'm very protective of my kids so it's understandable." Courtney said.

She looked down at Max as he yawned then smiled.

"Want to hold him?" Courtney asked.

(lol Okay. I was confused about that so thanks for clearing it up.)

Now, if our daughter-in-law wasn't such a confident woman, I have no doubt that Elaine might've been Evil-Grammy. There would've been no asking if she wanted to hold the grandbaby. Elaine would've swooped in like a vulture. But our son didn't marry no pushover.

Elaine did jump at the chance when asked, though, and I smiled. After I was going to unpack the food bag on the counter, I wanted to get on the floor and play trucks with Drake. But my knee was kicking up, so the best I could do was either on the table or just watch him play.

"You don't want this sittin' out too long," I advised Courtney. No, you don't want fish warming up unless you do it yourself, not by itself out of the fridge. Then you'd really be throwing up in deviled eggs, no rubber hand required to spark that reaction.

(I figured it's tailored to him. The 3 little ones in such proximity in age is something he'll probably screw up until Kayla's married. lol)

Courtney gently handed Max to Elaine then walked into the kitchen.

"We can just put them in the fridge and warm them up when Randy gets home unless everyone is..." Courtney stopped when she heard a crash come from upstairs.

"Oops! Mommy your vase fell over onto the floor." Jake said as he peeked through a bar on the banister with an innocent look on his face.

Courtney looked up then raised an eyebrow.

(lol It fits him.)

Elaine blanched at the sound of the crash, then looked accusingly at me. AT ME! Now, I'm not one to shrink in the face of danger - Elaine could throw a meaner elbow than Hogan in his prime, but then again, so could my granny - but I had nothing to do with the crash!

I put my hands up like a bank teller in a robbery and offered to go clean it up but those stairs are murderous on my knee.

I arched an eyebrow at my daughter-in-law, realizing why they bought this big house. Knowing how bad my knees are, they bought this so when I got older, I'd never be able to come live with them!

Elaine knew the look on my face, cracked me in the back of the head -again-, and offered to go clean it up. "Dammit, woman!" I growled.

I looked pleadingly at Courtney. "Let her go clean it up. Save me."

I also pulled out my wallet to pay for the vase.

"It's okay I got it, don't worry about it." Courtney said before she went upstairs.

"Sorry mommy." Jake said.

"It's okay sweetheart go downstairs." Courtney said.

Jake nodded then went downstairs.

"Grandpa guess what I did yesterday? I beat my daddy at Mario Kart on the Wii." Jake said with a wide smile.

I tucked the cash for the vase behind the toaster, as Courtney went up to take care of the mess. Elaine walked to the island in the middle of the kitchen to sit with the baby. When my grandson the vasebreaker showed up, I thought he was speaking a foreign language.

I didn't understand much after "Grandpa, guess what I did yesterday?" and I must've looked mighty confused. Elaine tried her hand at it.

"He said he beat Randy with an I-talian cart and then..." Elaine had a horrified look.

"Come again, boy?" I asked him to repeat it.

We're both thinking he beat Randy at something and then peed on him in victory.

"You wee'd?"

"No!" Jake yelled then ran into the living room.

"I'll show you." Jake said before he turned on his game.

Kayla watched everything in amusement.

The "I'll show you" had me laughing so hard I wheezed, because his "NO" was evidence enough for me that Elaine and I were way off base. Elaine wasn't so sure, and the hesitation showed on her face. I couldn't hear her but knew she was mumbling under her breath.

Elaine was mumbling under her breath. "If he pees in a potted plant, I swear he's Nathan's boy and not Randy's".

Jake grabbed a controller then handed one to Bob before he pressed a button, making his kart start to drive towards the finish line.

"The hell is this?" I tried to change the TV channels with it, but that didn't work. I pointed it at the TV, at the boy, at Elaine, at the girl, at myself, at the ceiling. What the hell? Where were the wires?

Now, I fondly recall whoopin' serious ass on the Atari 2600. I was the Space Invaders champion of the Orton household. Not even Andre the Giant could beat me at it. That was the night he broke the banister in our house. It wasn't that he slipped, it's that he was pissed off because as big as he was, he couldn't kill aliens like I could.

"Boy, what am I supposed to do with this?" I asked, lost.

Elaine looked as lost as me. We were at the mercy of the children.

Kayla climbed onto Bob's lap then took the control and played the game.

"That's cheating!" Jake yelled.

"Don't make me punt you." Kayla said.

"You can't punt me if I give you an RKO first!" Jake yelled.

"Whoa, whoa now," I said, as Elaine scooted over to referee if needed, but she was limited since she was holding Fred. (Fred?! Yes.)

Elaine could voice it and I'd be the physical intervener, because while my granddaughter claimed my lap, I could lift her if need be, to step between the kids if necessary. Didn't seem to be necessary though. Their mouths were going but their eyes were glued to the screen! I was dumbfounded. Don't you look at people when you argue? I do. But now I too was looking at the screen and told 'em, "Nobody's RKO'ing anybody, nor will we have punting. That's not to say a good DDT mightn't be in order, or a forearm. I'll show you...OW!"

Elise cracked me in the back of the head again.

"What your grandpa MEANT to say, children, is that there's no fighting. Leave that for your Daddy." Elaine cut her eyes to me and repeated it. "Leave. That. For. Their. Daddy." I smirked.

"Okay." Kayla and Jake said before they went back to playing the game.

A few minutes later Kayla stuck her tongue out at Jake.

"I won." Kayla said.

"You cheated!" Jake yelled.

Courtney walked down the stairs then threw the broken glass out.

"Cheating, well, that's a harsh word," I said, and started to tell them that they'll hear from many a soul that Daddy and Granddaddy were cheaters. "I had a big ol' cast on my arm back in my day, and I used to crack skulls with it. Sort of how your Daddy uses his foot," I grinned. Were the childrens' eyes on me now or on that screen? Elaine's were on me and burning a hole in me.

"Can it, Granny," I said, shaking my head. "Somebody's got to school them." Although over my dead body would my granddaughter ever enter a ring. She was our baby girl. I seriously doubted Randy would let her near it, same way we didn't let Rebecka near it all that much, but who knew? Children had minds of their own, and they did grow up.

"Court," I asked, "You want me to go haul him out of that autograph signing?" I saw her come back with the vase and she looked like she could use a break. I'd take the boys if she wanted, but she probably wouldn't, because three male Ortons in a car, which would be four if we got my boy, would be a perfect recipe for hell-raising.

"Cena said you cheated during matches when you were on Smackdown with my daddy." Kayla said.

Courtney looked at Bob.

"No it's okay. I've got it. You, the kids, and Randy in one car is asking for trouble." Courtney said with a chuckle.

She warmed up a bottle just in time to hear Max start crying. Courtney walked back into the living room then handed Elaine a bottle.

"Yes I did," I said with a grin. "Somebody's got to be the bad guy."

He winked at Courtney and understood her trepidation. Good thing that his brother Barry hadn't been around these parts in years..if she wanted a troublemaking Orton, Randal Barry Orton was the worst of them all. It was a damned good thing that Barry hadn't a) used his first name rather than his middle as his ring name and b) made a bigger impact before he and Vince had the falling out...otherwise there never would have -been- an "RKO" because the name Randal Orton wouldn't ever have been allowed to be spoken, regardless of what generation he belonged to or who his Daddy was.

"Elaine, stop makin' the little boy cry. That sour look on your face makes me cry, too," he teased, before turning his attention back on his older grandkids. "So, where do you wee?" he asked, still trying to figure out the unusual name.

"Oh Bob leave her alone." Courtney said with a chuckle before she sat down on a chair.

Jake and Kayla looked up at Bob confused.

"Huh?" Jake and Kayla asked.

"Since you say so," I winked at Courtney. Elaine smirked at me and thanked Courtney, "because he just doesn't stop!"

"I do so."
"You do not!"
"I do--what?"

The kids 'huh's?' in unison got my attention.

"I don't understand," I explained, "about the wee'ing. You said that you beat Daddy on this." I got that part. Maybe they'd hit Randy with one of these remote controls, "but what's the wee?"