It Never Ends

Elle let out a gentle sigh at Carol's short response and just simply nodded. Again, no answers, but a million questions. Nothing seemed to be solved and again, she was left with nothing. Suicide still hadn't popped into her brain as a reason for why John ended up here. Maybe it was because she didn't want to believe it could be a factor at all. Plus, she had no idea John had been drinking before she left the house. She still felt responsible, she should've fought harder to be there for him. He obviously needed her.

Carol reached over and rubbed Elle's back. She whispered to her that it wasn't her fault hoping it would do some good. Elle was too good of a wife to John, she knew his wife could never do anything to cause any of this. Sometimes you can't help certain situations, you just have to try to hope for the best and move forward the best you can. Her attention then quickly turned to the doctor that walked into the waiting room and her heart started beating at a fast pace.

"Elle Cena?"

This was the moment of truth.

Elle truly wanted to believe what Carol told her, but the fact that she showed some faith in Elle was comforting. But she couldn't help the guilt that she was feeling. Maybe it would go away once she saw him and got some answers. Elle managed to give Carol a small smile and reached over to squeeze her hand gently. Her heart skipped a beat when her name was called.

"That's me." Elle said, standing up.

Carol smiled a bit at Elle when she squeezed her hand then stood up when the doctor came over to them. She tried to read his face to try to predict what the news was going to be but the doctor's sympathetic expression made it hard for her. Was he sympathetic because something was wrong or because he felt sorry for them?

"We think your husband attempted suicide. Luckily for you both and him he's still alive though."

A sigh of relief came from Carol as she closed her eyes, she was so happy that John was alive. She then shot them open when the words the doctor said started ringing in her mind. Think? They think he attempted suicide.

"What do you mean think?" Carol asked.

"Well...we don't really know but after finding pain medication and alcohol in his system we believe that he tried to kill himself."

The doctors expression did not help how she was feeling at all. All Elle could think was that the doctor was about to confirm what she had feared--that John was dead. But when she heard the word suicide she let out gasp and had to sit back down immediately as she felt her knees about give out on her. Suicide means that John was trying to die, that if he hadn't been found Elle would be having to come to grasp with the fact that her husband was dead. The thought that John attempted to end his life had her in tears all over again, after she had settled down somewhat since they got to the hospital. But she couldn't control this out pour of emotions either.

Attempted suicide.

She didn't think she'd ever be able to grasp onto the concept. She should be relieved John was here now, but she wasn't, not when it was possible that he was trying to leave her, their children, and the life that they had fought and worked so hard to build. This caused her to cry harder, her face in her hands and she felt her entire body shake.

When the idea finally registered in Carol's brain that her son had tried to take his own like she sunk down into the chair she had been sitting in. She wanted to believe that it wasn't true but after the doctor told them about the pills and alcohol it was the confirmation that she needed and dreaded. Why? WHY?! Would he want to do this. He had everything anybody could possibly want, the job and family. It was hard for her to take that someone that used to be so full of life now wanted to end it.

She looked over at Elle and the sight broke her heart even more as if it hadn't already been broken enough. Carol leaned over then hugged her tightly and rubbed her back.

She was pretty sure she hadn't cried this hard in a long period of time. She couldn't control herself, the way her body was shaking, how much she cried, or the occasional deep breaths she took as she almost lost her breath. This was killing her, she never thought this would happen. That John would do this of all people.

She felt Carol's arms around her and she cried even harder than she was if that was humanly possible. "He...was...tr-try-trying...to...leave me." Elle stammered out through tears and deep breaths as she attempted to breathe. "I....don't...know..wh-wha-what..I-I-..do without..him..." Elle said again. Breathing was something that wasn't happening too easily, the panic was setting in from what she was going through as she felt herself about to have a small panic attack from the stress, worry, and fear she was currently experiencing.

Carol held Elle tightly, trying to calm her down. Her own pain and heartache over the situation had to be put the side because right now her daughter in-law needed her badly. All she wanted though was to try to calm Elle down a bit. Her son was in the hospital and the last thing she needed was another person she cared about to be checked in as well.

"Elle, listen to me sweetie. He's alive so he's not going to go anywhere, alright? Things happen for a reason. He wouldn't have been so lucky if he wasn't supposed to continue being with us and your kids. He's going to need a lot of help and strength right now, I may have a lot at the moment but I can't be the only one to save him. He needs you too." Carol said.

All you'd hear for awhile out of Elle was the occasional hiccup, gasp of breath, and sob as she tried to calm herself down. After awhile, her breathing settled down as the panic attacked died down. She dreaded those things, took a lot of her. She was truly drained right now, this was taking so much out of her. It was just so much to process and accept.

She heard Carol's words and nodded a little, having a hard taking what Carol was saying as reassurance. She fought the urge to go on and on about how close he was to being gone, and that he actually wanted to leave them, and that she could've stopped this. She could've touched on so many subjects in that waiting room chair, but stopped herself.

Elle pulled away from Carol and wiped her eyes, her crying finally coming to a good enough end. "Can I see him?"

Carol was relieved when Elle finally calmed down then looked up at the doctor. The doctor nodded then told them only one person could be allowed into the room right now. Carol looked over at Elle, she didn't know if the poor girl would be able to walk to the room on her own.

"Can I walk with her and stand outside the room?" Carol asked.

She hated having to wait to see John but right now it was more important for Elle to see him. She needed to see him more than Carol did at the moment but she was also worried Elle was going to break down again. When the doctor granted her that ability her attention went back to Elle. At least if Elle needed her Carol would just be outside of the room.

"You ready?" Carol asked softly.

A small wave of relief came over when the doctor said that they could go into the room to see John. Probably was the best thing she had heard in the last couple hours. Part of her was scared of what she'd see when she got into the room and how he'd react, but she needed to see him. Just for her own reassurance that he was indeed alive and well...or some version of well.

"Are you sure you don't want to see him first?" Elle asked softly as she stood up. Her arm wrapped around Carol's and she walked with her towards his room as they were lead. She didn't want to keep her away from her son either. She had no idea what would happen once Elle walked into the room. "Actually, you go in first, Carol. I can wait." She had waited this long. Probably would be better for Carol to see him first.

Carol shook her head as she looked at Elle once they made it to the room.

"No, no. It's okay, I can wait. Don't worry about me." Carol said, giving Elle a small reassuring smile. She really did want to see her son but didn't want to keep Elle away from him any longer.

The doctor looked at them both and sighed. He didn't usually did this unless the case because he could get in trouble over it but this wasn't a tiny thing that had happened. It was a major case so the rules could be bent just a little bit.

"You both should go in."

Carol looked at the doctor with grateful tears starting to well up in her eyes. She thanked him before she took a deep breath in, not knowing what to expect when she saw her son, then took Elle's hand to support her daughter in-law and herself as well.

Elle was about to open her mouth to argue Carol, but stopped when the doctor spoke. A grateful look managed to appear on her face when they were both allowed into John's room. "Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to us." Elle said, fighting back tears that were going to come out. She squeezed Carol's hand when she held it. She let out a sigh and opened the door to John's room, walking inside with Carol, not too sure what they were walking into.

It was good that they were prepared a bit for when they walked in, it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. John was completely knocked out as he lied in the bed and he had several machines hook up to him. He also had a plastic tube down his throat from having his stomach pumped and to help him breathe. It literally looked like he was hanging on by a thread.

The sight of John brought more tears to Carol's eyes and they rolled down her cheeks. How could her son be in such a state? It felt so unreal. If she wasn't trying to be strong for both her own sake and Elle's she would have been down on her knees sobbing uncontrollably.

Elle stopped dead in her tracks upon walking into the room. She wasn't as ready as she thought she was for what her eyes fell upon when they walked into the room. He seemed alive, the machines beside him beeping to validate that he was indeed alive. But the sight in front of them proved the opposite. He looked so lifeless. She felt her blood run cold.

"I..I..I can't..." Elle said, letting go of Carol's hand and walking out of the room. She knew she needed to be there for him, but she wasn't able to. That image of him was too much for her to take right now. She left the room, going a bit down the hallway before her back went against the wall and she slid down it.

When Elle left her side it took everything in her to not crumble and fall apart right there. This wasn't easy, it was a lot. Too much to handle after everything they had already been through. Carol mustered enough courage and energy though to walk out of the room after Elle. She walked down the hallway when she saw her daughter in law ten stood there in front of her and sighed.

"Elle..." Carol stopped, she didn't know what to say. Her supportive words weren't coming easy this time around.

She sighed then got down next to Elle and hugged her, moments like this proved that actions were better than words.

Ell had pretty much cried herself out. She just felt exhausted, worn out, and any other synonym. She wanted desperately for this to be some sick nightmare, but she knew it wasn't. This was her reality and it seemed to only be going worse as things continued to go on.

She looked over at Carol when she got beside her and hugged her. "Go inside with John. I'll be fine, just need to be alone and get myself together. He needs you more than I do." Elle said, her voice was low and monotone, not much emotion in the words that she had spoken.

Carol rubbed Elle's back gently as she shook her head. She was too worried about Elle right now to want her by herself for too long. If anything happened to John there would be nurses and doctors that could help him but only she could help Elle if she got up and decided to do anything to herself. Carol couldn't take anything else happening to anyone else in her family so she had to take the extra precautions to try to stop Elle from being alone until she knew she would be okay.

"I'm not leaving your side. You are just as important to me as John is and I don't you getting really upset then end up hurting yourself. John's going to be okay but I'm not sure about you." Carol said softly with a worried look on her face.

Elle appreciated Carol's worry, she really did. Probably wasn't too clear at this exact moment, but then again, Elle was feeling like a shell of herself. Cause none of this seemed right and if none of this felt so real, she would have a hard time believing any of it.

"Carol, please, just go with him." Elle practically begged. She just really needed the time alone right now. Her head wasn't in this and that's usually how she dealt with her issues. "I'm going to be fine, I promise. Just need some air. I'd rather you be in there with him, making sure he's okay than with me who you know will be alright. Please, it'll ease my mind a little that your with him and he's not in there alone." She said.

Carol sighed then nodded her head in defeat. She took Elle's hands into hers then gently squeezed them before she turned her back and went into the room. An uneasy feeling entered her body when she looked at John. Seeing him until he got out of the hospital was going to be hard. Surgeries due to injuries was one thing but this was a totally different ball field, this was attempted suicide. Carol walked over to John then sat down on a chair beside him and took his hand.

"Why did you have to do this John? You have so much to cherish and so many that love you, why did you think harming yourself was the only solution?" Carol asked.

She knew he probably couldn't hear her and wouldn't respond nor did it comfort her really but it was all Carol could think of doing at the moment.

Elle let out a small sigh when Carol left to go into John's room. Her eyes stayed on the door that was now closed. Part of her wanted to go in there and be strong for her mother in law and her husband, but she simply couldn't do it. She just couldn't no matter how much she wanted to. She stood up and began to walk out of the hospital. Maybe fresh air would do her some good, cause being in that hospital made her feel like she was trapped and contained. Nothing that was in there felt right. It just felt cold, lonely, and somewhat depressing.

The longer she stared at John's body she could have sworn she saw him move a bit, blink even, but that was just her eyes/mind messing with her. Carol didn't know how much she could take the silence as she watched John slept in what looked to be a peaceful state. His voice. All she wanted to hear was his voice. She just wanted him to wake up, tell her he was going to be okay and that he loved his family. That all of this was just a mishap and he didn't mean to do anything to hurt himself or anyone else. A movement. Anything. She wanted to just see him do anything but lie there. It wouldn't happen though, except for his chest slowly moving up and down when he breathed John was motionless.

Elle had walked around the general area of he hospital aimlessly. She really had no clear destination. Her mind was still blank, too afraid to let her mind think or wander in fear of where it would. She stayed outside for a good twenty minutes before she found herself back at the hospital parking lot. It had gotten later and she felt a chilly, from both the weather and how she was feeling. She went to her car and opened her trunk, she almost teared up seeing John's jacket that she had back there. Elle grabbed the large black hooded jacket and put it on, it reminded her so much of John. It still had his scent and the way it pretty much drowned her when she put it on because he was so much bigger than her, reminded her of how she felt when she was beside him or was being held by him. She wiped her eyes before walking back into the hospital. She finally stood at John's door with a sigh, she opened the door, standing in the doorway for a moment as her eyes went from Carol and then to John.

When Carol heard the door open it startled her a bit but smiled a little bit when she saw it was Elle. She was happy to know nothing had happened to her while she was gone. Her eyes then went back to John and she sighed.

"He hasn't done anything yet. Nothing. Not even move a finger." Carol said softly.

The tone of her voice could show how scared she was even though you could barely hear her. She didn't want to see John saved then end up having to say goodbye to him within an hour. Every second nothing happened just broke another piece of her heart and more fear entered her.

Elle returned the smile from a Elaine with a small one in return. She walked over to where she was and pulled over a chair, to sit beside her. It really did break her heart to see John in this position. Even though she was in the room, she avoided looking at him for too long, her eyes with looking down or various parts of the room. It was too hard to see the lifeless form of him.

"I guess that means we just keep waiting." Elle said lowly. She was hating this, she really was. She felt so out of control about the situation. All she wanted was for him to wake up, move, do something.