It Never Ends

Carol swallowed hard at Elle's words. What she said wasn't wrong but it was still hard for her to take. Even though she felt John's actions were selfish he was still her son and she loved him.

"...Let's just go back to your house." Carol said softly.

"I'm so, so sorry..." Elle said, feeling guilty right away. "Just go upstairs, get some rest. You've really had a long day." She said, running a hand through her hair.

Carol effortlessly waved it off then walked towards the stairs.

"It's fine, you're right I need to rest. I'll see you later." Carol said quickly before she made her way to the guest room.

Elle pinched the bridge of her nose and remained standing where she was. She heard the door close to the guest room and just felt a pit in her stomach grow. She felt terrible for what she said to Elaine. Elle grabbed her purse and walked out of the house, getting into her car. Yes, she was mad at John but her bitterness shouldn't be taken out on others, especially on someone who had been there for her for so long. Even if it would take some major arguing, glaring, and persuasion, Elle decided to head to the hospital.

John hadn't been doing much since Carol left. He ate the food she left him because he was hungry and wasn't going to touch what the nurse gave him from the cafeteria. He almost died once today, he didn't need to almost die again. When he was done he put the tupperware to the side then looked out the window. What his mom said was right and hit him when it needed to. Now he just needed to find a way to get Elle to talk to him so they could try to work this mess out...little did he know Elle was already on the way.

Arguing wasn't really necessary. Thankfully, the younger nurses had been there, so they were easy to bribe. She headed to John's room and when she stood outside of it she sighed before knocking on the door. She waited for a moment before walking inside, she glanced up at him before closing the door behind her. Elle didn't walk any further though, staying by the door.

John was immediately taken out of his thoughts when he heard the door close. He slowly turned his head thinking it was just a nurse or the doctor but when he saw Elle his eyes widened. She really came back. He didn't know what to say at first or if he should say anything, the tension was thick. John waited a few minutes to see if Elle would speak first but when she didn't he finally decided to break the silence.

"Um...hey." John said.

"Hey..." Elle said, walking over to the chair in the room and taking a seat. "How you feeling?"

"Alright I guess, could be better. How are you?" John asked.

Elle shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, I guess."

"How are the kids?" John asked.

"Fine...they're at their friends house while all of this is going on." Elle said.

John nodded.

"Probably the best place for them right now. They shouldn't see me like this." John said.

"Yeah..well...I'm glad that I didn't have to break anymore bad news to them." Elle said.

John sighed as he looked down and ran a hand through his hair, one of his habits when he was uncomfortable.

"I know it doesn't mean much but I'm really sorry." John said.

"Why did you do it?" Elle asked.

"I don't really know. My mind was all over the place, I wasn't thinking. I was drinking a lot of beer one moment, got pain in my back so I got up to take some pills the next, then all of a sudden I blacked out and woke up here." John said.

"I know you aren't that dumb to not think that wouldn't have been such a good idea." Elle said. "Were you trying to hurt yourself?"

"Not intentionally. I was just so upset and guilty, I thought our whole world was falling apart and nothing I could say or do would fix it. I guess I just let fate take over what was going to happen to me without a second thought." John said.

"Let fate take over?! So you were willing to put your life on the line! And if you didn't make it, did you think for a fucking second what that would do to me or the kids?!" Elle said. "I had to wait for hours, wondering if my husband, the love of my life, the only person I've ever loved like this was going to die and if I was going to have to say goodbye to him. And our kids? I had to wonder if I would have to let them know about how daddy wasn't going to be around anymore. Did you even think about us for a goddamn second John! I get what's going on is rough on you, but you have so much to live for!"

"You don't understand Elle. I dug myself so deep that I didn't even know what else to do anymore, I was destroyed. Far more destroyed than I've ever been in my life and yes it was selfish of me to do but at the time I don't know, maybe subconsciously I thought I was doing you a favor. I cause you and everyone else too much pain, I'm nothing but a burden on everyone." John said.

"Yeah, cause killing yourself would've worked out famously." Elle scoffed.

"I know it wasn't the best decision in the world but what else was I supposed to do? There was nothing left in me at that point, I just knew I needed a way out. A way out for everyone." John asked.

"I can't even believe you right now." Elle said, grabbing her purse and standing up. "Because you couldn't handle it, you decided to take a cheap way out. That's good to know for the future, John."

"I'm sorry. You don't know how guilty I am for letting it happen but it did, I can't turn back time and change it. If I could, I would but I can't." John said.

He saw her stand up with her purse then sighed.

"Please don't leave."